Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Finally free

i am finally enjoying my life. So it goes without saying that it was no so earlier. Can't really put a finger on the causes because they all look so trivial now, to have made me unhappy. Sometimes i think being educated didn't help at all, at best it left me confused. i would often watch ladies whom i would very snobbishly call illiterates and frogs in the well going about their daily chores happily without complaint whereas all i would do is to crib. Now, is it the age that has mellowed me down or is it that with the passage of time i've learned to compromise i really don't know, all i know now is that i'm happy.
Happy with my unhurried life when i don't wake up in the morning with the list of things to do which had probably hovered in my sleep too.
Happy that i no longer want to do things perfectly because i've realised nothing can really be perfect and that it's not natural...
Absolutely delirious about the fact that i no longer seek approvals from others to tell me if i'm right or wrong,good or bad because now i know it's really not worth it because the great approval should come from within me.
Talking about approvals i admit that i was an approval junkie and i'm enjoying that freedom, that peace one gets when one finally kicks the addiction goodbye.
That i was one i wasn't even aware, not until now. As i went about my affairs i wanted people to tell me how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever i really was."Fear or revere me but please think that i'm special ". i was actually a monkey begging for the approval of others.
And it's scary to think that i somehow managed not to damage myself in any way. Come to think of this, what if i had changed to the liking of others ? i would cease to be me but a stranger whom i myself would fail to recognise.
The happy voice inside me says -hip hip hoo ray.

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