Monday, September 5, 2011

Blue Forever Now

Wonder why the lovely blue color is associated with sadness. It's Monday today and the color of the day is blue.
It could be ironic when i find the color so tranquil and serene i can't say the same for my mood. As a matter of fact i am in my blues this Monday... otherwise i am cheerful.
i sit nervously fiddling with my Nokia E5 deciding if i should vent it out with my dear one who has inflicted the blue on me but on second thoughts dismissed the reactive and retaliating- with- some- acrimony- urge.
Words can come out strong and harsh right now for the bitterness inside has already made me small...counting all the sacrifices, all the help and support extended to the blue giver. Weighing like a vegetable vendor the commodities against the price rendered.
Meaness and smallness getting the better of me then i guess it should be best to observe silence and divert my anguish and pain towards something else. Something that makes me forget the happenings and engrosses me in yet another series of thoughts that should save me from being the Shylock that i am hell bent on being right now.

i try...maybe i should talk to a friend but then once again i remember this thing  from my own experiences about sharing pain which is beautifully rendered by Abdul Rahim Khan-I-Khana in his couplet " RAHIMAN NIJ MAN KI VYATHA MAN HI RAKHIYO GOI...SUNI EETHILAIHEN LOG SAB BAANTI NA LAIHEN KOI"
The couplet provides pearls of wisdom. 
It being that one should keep his/her problems to oneself for none would be able to solve your problems rather they at best would only mock you feeling entertained at your cost and would be least interested in sharing or solving your problems.

Besides i don't want to convey a negative image of my dear one to anyone not even to my husband. Chances are that my narration might elicit a negative remark about my dear one and i cannot tolerate that. The relationship is such that although i do feel sore i would not have anyone not even my best friend speaking against someone i love so deeply and dearly.
 i also know that it is this eternal truth about all relationships. You cannot be in harmony forever. There's every bit a chance of the emergence of some strife, some discordant note... sometime... someday... over something.
Sure, i have full faith on time and tide to sort it out. Like they say, " Every storm finally settles down."

So what do i do...just as if dictated by inertia i play in a detached manner with the keys of my mobile phone.  
Some colors hit my eyes and beg for attention.
Some brilliant yellow, green,  pale white...
Eunonymous fortunei...brillaint with shades of green,yellow and white
That hedge that i found so cheerful as i waited for my niece to come flying down the stairs of her hostel last week was simply brilliant in it's many shades of green, citron and pale white. This picture is a borrowed one though, as mine was not showing  the variegated foliage distinctly.
i asked the gardener who was busy trimming the off shoots if he could tell me the name of this particular hedge and he said something that sounded like, " AN ARMY..."
Probably  what he meant was,  Eunonymous and i have to excuse him for the pronunciation which always gets  distorted even by me.

Anyways, respite...that cools anxiety and invokes peace, what is the color for that?
Well today i found out that it is blue too.

i know the shots are hazy and not very clear but it's enough for the time being for me atleast.
Pretty Invasion
i remember how the blue flower grabbed my attention as i was hurrying out of the campus. Some thing sounded nearby something harsh, nasty and evil like snip...snip...snip...snip.
i panicked and hurriedly took more shots...forgetting all i had accumulated of my Nokia E5 camera. The manual showed excellent shots if certain guidelines are adhered too. Time was short and before the snipping approached any closer i just kept hitting the click button in a row.
Hello!! Patas Vidai look wonderful...
i peered closer to look for the seed pods if there were any. For wasn't this too a flower from my childhood? 
Some untidy and crude but fun to be boy i played with had showed me how the seed pods exploded scattering tiny seeds when he spat on it. Later i forgot the face of the boy who played hide and seek with me and spat at pods but remembered the flower and it's triggered by water explosive seed pod. For this and others were to be my live teaching aids in school when i attempted to make seed dispersal by elements in nature interesting. Way back when i embarked on my maiden venture into formally teaching school kids.  i can recall the joyous but surprised exclamations of the kids when i demonstrated the mild but fun to watch explosive popping by asking them to spray water on it. Some kid...was it Aditya or Pon Swami...can't remember clearly who exactly but one of the two most talkative but nevertheless adorable boys in class had yelled proudly, " Maam! ...Maam! we call it Patas vidai (Tamil for Firecracker seeds)...That day i learnt something too from my children. The local vernacular for Minnie root/ Desert Petunia/ Florida Bluebells/Mexican Blue bells/ Mexican petunia/Texas Petunia/ Ruellia and last but not the least my own favorite Waterkanon. Wonder if these bacchas of mine who must be adults by now remember it as vividly as i can recollect that particular lesson in EVS.
And that was a Monday too. i remember it because of my blue dress that i wore to school that day and mainly because it was one of those rare teaching days when i came back home feeling i did well. All those efforts of collecting the various seeds on two consecutive hot sultry Chennai summer days felt rewarding that particular Monday.
Petunia, Mexican Bluebell or Ruellia...
How can something so pretty be deemed as invasive?
Then that silent communication...or rather the mental monologues...
a) Maybe you love stealing someone else's show.
b) Would i be seeing you just for some moments now?
c) Are you scared of the clipping secateurs?
    You don't look mortified...i mean look at you...far from dread i can only see the surety...maybe you are...
Blue! the colour suits blue...
Yeah, my beautiful one ! let them all be biting dust now...all those who say," appearing out of the blue". Here you many blues appearing out of the various shades of .
Blue as  Hyacinths or as the core of a match flame?
That nasty and crisp snip...snip has ceased. i look around and spot the gardener clearing the sides of the lawn of the remains of his snip pings and then moving away to the other side when it hit me just out of the blue.
All that surety...which appeared less arrogant but more SELF assured.
All that
Blue as the hyacinths-
Blue as the core of a lighted match-
Blue as the char boondon walaa Ujala-
Blue as the throat of Shiva depicted in pictures-
Blue of the glimpses of the sea beyond-
All that blue wouldn't be there if that snipping or yanking off had happened before.
Whoa, all that confidence came out of the trust then. A trust forged between you and him when you were just a little one emerging and ducking as if playing hide an seek with your mate Eunonymous.

Okay i get it. Some of my own personal doubts are dispelled and the anger has gone with the monsoon wind. 
i do feel blue but thanks to you my flower from childhood for communicating faithfulness and loyalty, i feel confident now and more dignified than ever.
In your ambiance i finally feel that calm and tranquility that heals, soothes and provides the good natural sense to forget and forgive.

Maybe she did not mean to wrong me. Rather, like always it was one of her wise attempts to protect me from self affliction and everything that accompanies it.
Maybe it's just my ego that was blind to ascertain all these in the first instance.
Do i ask her to explain the logic behind her decision?
Definitely not. It seems baseless and pointless when the blue one has just revealed the truth to me.

It's late now...She would be deep into her early morn slumber.  i'll call her later and we would start from where we left. As read...movies and music...and all the latest escapades of our Man Fridays on both ends. Then as we shall proceed deeper into our conversation i am sure i would get a reasonable explanation from her. While i would happily spill out my beans too. It has always been like that between the two of us. We cannot hide stuff from each other neither can we stay silent sulking. It is just not us. This particular instance of silence on both ends can spell disaster for both of us and everybody around us. If nothing else then both of us will be sick and down in the dumps with indigestion. The hapless victims especially our respective husbands pleading more mercy than normalcy.
Maybe i'll also repeat the same prayer to her too...this one that i normally keep for myself. Hope she can understand the logic and my intention for conveying this prayer to her. It is really hard to convey real feelings especially when someone is undergoing some trauma and only i know that at this one instance i am only seeking peace and happiness for her.

And yes i have to  remember to ask her how best to instill and inculcate proper personal hygiene to my Man Friday at home whose body odor gives me migraines and makes me sick more due to the 24/7 suppressed irritation than the real migraine itself.

With peace has returned the fond memories of monsoons. Sitting together listening to Eurythmics-Here comes the rain again, Tracy Chapman-Fast car, Alison Moyet- Is this love, Cyndi Lauper- Girls jus wanna have fun...
In between cups of chai and all that secure feeling of togetherness...that strong bond of loyalty and trust we would lip sync the songs...and perhaps would remain like that forever enjoying each other's company provided food, cleaning and studies were taken care of.
Not much has changed since then...we could still be marooned in a food abundant island happy and content singing all those songs together, in our gay abandon. Sure in between have our disagreements too.
i know that even she wishes the same.
      So then Sweetie this one is specially for you...whenever you feel like a garam chai kee pyalee and some good music.

Sure have to put he lyrics right here so that we could lip sync again...
Song: Blue Island

Living in a world that dies within
You are they who try and touch the wind 
You could be a blessed one 
 That makes me love you.

Doin' what you've never done before
Takin' every wave that hits the shore
You could be a silver star 
That shines on my blue island.

Gonna be in blue island
See you on a blue island
Take you to a blue island

Blue island
You can see the rain
You can feel the pain 
That no part of me is goin' through

Everybody say
We can find a way
Do you know the place you're going to?
You're going to a blue island.

That is what the lonely heart must know
This is what it takes to make it grow
You can be a child alone
But you may save the world.

Maybe it's the words that mean goodbye
There but for the grace of God go I
I can see an open door
Leads to my blue island.

It's gonna be in blue island
See you on a blue island
Take you to a blue island.

Blue island
Blue island
Blue island.

And this ballad for me.

                                        -: Some Hindi Phrases/terms used:-
    Bhacchas- Children

   Char boondon walaa Ujala- Four drops only if it is Ujaala.The famous advertisement punchline/tagline for   that particular brand of fabric whitener called Ujaala .
Ujaala- Whiteness

Garam Chai kee pyaalee- A hot cup of tea.

Image Courtesy:


  1. we should wait.Time alone will sort out confusion and provide solution.

  2. @Anonymous thank you for taking time out to go through my blog. you said i do believe things will get sorted out in time...actually it is already sorted out.
    Thanks for your kind concern :)