To tell her how sorry i am for not giving her the respect she deserved...
To tell her how mean i was for not supporting on issues which were meant for the good of the family...
To tell her how selfish i was to go about my own affairs when she was in physical pain...
To tell her how disregardful and dismissive i was when she tried to teach me traditions and values related to those traditions...
To tell her how wrong i was to criticise her for her dressing sense...because now when she invades my mind's eye i feel she was perfect and the way she should be.
To beg her forgiveness for being so detached to her little little needs...and worse for dismissing them outright.
To tell her that now i am not embarrased anymore that she could neither speak English nor Hindi but only the local language nor am i embarrased anymore for her 4. something frame.
The list could go on and on and no matter how awful i feel i know she has forgiven me and not forsaken me.
Because everytime i am able to reach out and make people feel warm i know it is You in me.
Everytime i try to connect with the higher self it is the You in me.
That someone in me who wants me to hold on to traditions and culture as far as i can remember be it respecting elders or following some rituals when anyone embarks on a journey or even trying to do pooja; i know it is You.
When i try to settle things in my own little way You are working with me.
When i suffer in physical or mental pain You give me the power to bear it without making a hue and cry about it.
When i love flowers, bangles,traditional jewellery and bright colours in my dressing it is You in me celebrating the womanhood.
As i try and fulfill my resposibilities as a mother and as a wife You show me the way Ma.
And everytime because of my false vanity when i look in disdain You remind me to respect and appreciate and to ignore the negatives.
And do you know that when anyone compliments me on my looks they are sending compliments to you because so far as looks go in most i've taken after You.
The amount of respect i have now for myself as a mother and wife, it is You who gave me the power not to regret missing out on certain opportunities and to feel fulfilled and happy about whatever i could do.
Ma be with me in me always as you are...and if possible come and smile at me in my dreams...be there for sometime in such a way that when i wake up i'm adorning ur smile and with it everything...