Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Figuring it out

Just the other day i was invited to dinner and rather than being thrilled at the prospect of a new meal as i am mostly fed up with mine i was confused as to what i should take to prove my ettiquette then i realised that this happens everytime with me.
Gifts- should they me momento or should it be something functional or of utility?
And it doesn't stop at this because in your mind you have figured out the expense part too because you don't want to go overboard.
A momento will add to the accumulation which might gather dust or at best may be nostalgia staring from the shelf whereas something functional or of utility may be subjected to wear and tear. Torn at the thoughts i thought it best to leave it to instinct when i shop on my way to the dinner. But i was not peaceful as i kept thinking about what i had got as gifts and remembered that some gifts can be painful too. Like this dupatta i had got the other day from a very good friend of mine. Beautiful piece in raw silk hand embroidered simply stunning but i remember the trauma i went through to get a salwaar kameez to go with it. Was unsuccessful in my explorations and finally kept it in my closet for a year an half before deciding to do justice to that stunning piece by re-gifting it to another third party with a hope that maybe she will be able to find something to go with it. Needless to say how guilty and shameful i felt after that because one part of me kept telling me how cruel i was.
How can something of good intent give you pain. To be able to have a heart which wants to be generous and kind and to be remembered with warmth and yet not really being able to do that?
Mostly i do follow my instincts but down the road i do realise that now that however clear my intentions were i would have caused pain too. Yes i remember some clearly but also remind myself not to do a repeat performance.
Wisdom is something that comes from everywhere including your experiences and how true you are to your experiences.
And yes the gift i took the other day was much loved and appreciated by my friend when she called me up from her busy schedule just to say how happy she was with it.
And i say to myself-hey! you got lucky this time...


  1. 'fresh flowers'.... saves my agony

  2. good attempt Shivani....I go through the same dilemna myself.......& got a taste of wht others do as well....on our anniv.....some unlike you put no thought to it & its clearly & painfully visible that the gift was given just for the sake of it...that too when we had clearly mentioned no gifts on the card!
    Mamta would do it the 'pardesi way' which is nice but India mein log sochtay hein, phool mar jaeyngay & some find it a waste.Desi scene mein it doesn't always work Mamta!

  3. What a topic.....something that occupied my mindspace the whole of last month! It was my brother's 25th anniversary earlier this month and obviously that led to the issue of an appropriate gift.

    One gift had to satisfy so many criteria - it should be suitable for the 25th anniversary ( not just ANY anniversary), not just utility, something fancy and yet not the usual of silver photo frame, wine glasses etc, etc. Something 'cool', my daughter decided. But what??

    Something you would look at often and remember your 25 years together. In Singapore they often give a pair of decorative chopsticks as a sign of togetherness. Although I found one pair put in a picture frame to be hung on the wall....it didnt make the grade. Tension was rising. It had to be (and look !) a little expensive too.....I thought. Jewellery, clothes were out. So was the gift of a holiday.....their daughter was doing that. Finally I found this beautiful glass container for keeping nuts or saunf or whatever you want, in a lovely gold plated mesh/frame with crystal flowers. It was very beautiful, useful and expensive looking. Whats more, my bhabhi loved it and even told me where she was going to keep it in her dining room. Whew! Mission successful.

    Great going Shivani. Lets hear some more

  4. Thanx friends i feel energised already and yes there's many many more so please don't forsake me on this...loved all the comments/views and felt connected that's all i can say for the time being..