Learning also comes through conversations especially when it involves equal participation with no hidden agendas. There is an interesting anecdote and i am not sure if it will be consistent with my chain of thoughts but here it is.
A family friend was telling us animatedly as to how he dislikes this of his wife, '' She does not read ! no matter how much I tell her to...!"
He bemoaned not having delightful conversations about the trending bestsellers. Probably our friend was trying not to criticize but rather compare musings because my husband had shared his bits about his own wife. Now i really don't know if my husband really approves of my old way of reading hard copies because at the drop of the hat he reminds me of all the space occupied by books and how those books would prove to be a burden if and when have to shift. Nevertheless while having his elated conversation he talked about my habit and my collection both.
Listening to them i could feel that both husbands were not really being honest in their conversation. And both were not at fault. i too am like that.
i am forever wanting what is not and cribbing mostly about my husband not reading anything but the newspaper too.
Are all readers really better than those who don't read i can't tell. What i can tell is that people around me respect, love and admire my husband despite him being a non reader probably because he is a good listener. What also i can tell is that books are lovely conversation subjects provided one is being honest about just the book and not bringing it into the conversation just to impress.
Mostly i feel we are not truly being honest about reading what to talk of books.
If the society says it is great to be a reader then it is so. Pathetic are those who do not read for they will never understand, know or learn or grow...
Today as i sit to blog i am beginning to question if it was really decent to laugh about what our friend divulged later as the session carried on.
He said that if and when his wife was meeting her friends for lunch/dinner/coffee/ she would approach him to summarize the plot of the trending book he had just read. Sometimes even scribble a small write up which she could lap up to reproduce later during her drive to the rendezvous spot. He went on to explain how his summaries had actually helped his wife to keep up with the joneses. i remember all of us lolling to that.
Today when i think about it i feel guilty for endorsing that which i generally condemn. Which is to participate in ridicule. i should've said something. Changed the direction of the conversation instead of laughing out loud at someone who was also a friend and that too when she was not even present.
It indeed is making me question. Should one read for the love of books or should one read to improve one's understanding or should one read because when people have conversations one should be participating as readers even when they are not. And why do we keep shaming non readers. There are a host of other so called good things we all should be doing and are we actually doing them.
If not reading then something else. Aren't we all projecting what we really are not. Be it caring for animals or environment, be it doing Yoga or managing waste, be it contributing pseudo opinions on social media or grabbing attention by posting meaningless details . The list is endless. We just want to be seen as conforming to what we ourselves have rated to be the best not because we really mean it or are truly committed to it but because we want to impress upon others. Apparently seeming to be concerned and connected but not really staying committed or concerned about anything.
i fail to understand how hard it could be to grab a phone and have a lovely tete e tete than to type niceties which truly lack credibility. All those niceties at best appearing like i scratch your back will you please scratch mine.
Why can't we feel good about how or what we are and why don the false pretense?
It seems to me the more we apparently engage the further are we being driven apart. And all the social medial platforms are actually destroying the social ness of it all. And we definitely are not having conversations between friends or anyone there what to talk of having conversations that can usher forth a change.
Conversations are starters, binding us and eventually making us feel good about the time spent.
When i was younger i remember conversations adding more zest to what i already knew. Someone mentioning about a piece of music composition i had not heard or interesting facts about which place i should be visiting, an introduction to customs/rituals the how's and why's, easy DIY's including handy kitchen/household tips and a whole lot of other things apart from comparing notes on family, gardening, pets and recipes. Not to miss it we also had conversations on books to read, movies to watch so on and so forth.
i also remember those conversations as being refreshing and exciting. Igniting not only a passion for more but also keeping us looking forward to sharing details about our own lack of understanding without any false pretense.
Today i am at a loss. Sometimes i am banging my own drum and other times i am listening to other drums. Of late there has been a constant bombardment of sorts and i want to run away to a land of peace and quiet if it exits anywhere. Where my inward talking should provide me with solace if not all the answers as to why it is so. It troubles me to realize that we are slowly but steadily drifting apart.
Often a conversation meets a sudden death and what ensues is the emergence of an argument where no one is really listening to anyone. Or else as it happened in this case the conversation left in it's wake so many unanswered questions, doubts and an overriding sense of guilt.
Maybe through this as i blog i am mulling over the aftermath. The fact of the matter being if the art of listening to some who love to only hear themselves speak can be mastered. Should i really work towards building a huge stockpile of patience and learn to be a passive listener or should i be working towards more effective communication skills through which i can convey what i have to say without being offensive.
Folks who care (home) tell me that i get too hyper and the words fails to convey. Emotions, expressions creating an unpalatable soup which drowns the essence.
Uff ...
i think conversation is also quite a cultural thing and it definitely has something to do with our genetic make up. When i ponder over the harmless allegations desiring change i do realize that i have my roots somewhere and i carry all the telltale signs of it.
Can i improve or will i ever be able to change that which dilutes the essence only time can tell.
i don't know if what i have just said is consistent or not. But blogging it definitely has brought me to what i should start with for the time being. For the moment with this pleasing thought, "Conversation isn't about proving a point, true conversation is about going on a journey with the people you are speaking with.''
A family friend was telling us animatedly as to how he dislikes this of his wife, '' She does not read ! no matter how much I tell her to...!"
He bemoaned not having delightful conversations about the trending bestsellers. Probably our friend was trying not to criticize but rather compare musings because my husband had shared his bits about his own wife. Now i really don't know if my husband really approves of my old way of reading hard copies because at the drop of the hat he reminds me of all the space occupied by books and how those books would prove to be a burden if and when have to shift. Nevertheless while having his elated conversation he talked about my habit and my collection both.
Listening to them i could feel that both husbands were not really being honest in their conversation. And both were not at fault. i too am like that.
i am forever wanting what is not and cribbing mostly about my husband not reading anything but the newspaper too.
Are all readers really better than those who don't read i can't tell. What i can tell is that people around me respect, love and admire my husband despite him being a non reader probably because he is a good listener. What also i can tell is that books are lovely conversation subjects provided one is being honest about just the book and not bringing it into the conversation just to impress.
Mostly i feel we are not truly being honest about reading what to talk of books.
If the society says it is great to be a reader then it is so. Pathetic are those who do not read for they will never understand, know or learn or grow...
Today as i sit to blog i am beginning to question if it was really decent to laugh about what our friend divulged later as the session carried on.
He said that if and when his wife was meeting her friends for lunch/dinner/coffee/ she would approach him to summarize the plot of the trending book he had just read. Sometimes even scribble a small write up which she could lap up to reproduce later during her drive to the rendezvous spot. He went on to explain how his summaries had actually helped his wife to keep up with the joneses. i remember all of us lolling to that.
Today when i think about it i feel guilty for endorsing that which i generally condemn. Which is to participate in ridicule. i should've said something. Changed the direction of the conversation instead of laughing out loud at someone who was also a friend and that too when she was not even present.
It indeed is making me question. Should one read for the love of books or should one read to improve one's understanding or should one read because when people have conversations one should be participating as readers even when they are not. And why do we keep shaming non readers. There are a host of other so called good things we all should be doing and are we actually doing them.
If not reading then something else. Aren't we all projecting what we really are not. Be it caring for animals or environment, be it doing Yoga or managing waste, be it contributing pseudo opinions on social media or grabbing attention by posting meaningless details . The list is endless. We just want to be seen as conforming to what we ourselves have rated to be the best not because we really mean it or are truly committed to it but because we want to impress upon others. Apparently seeming to be concerned and connected but not really staying committed or concerned about anything.
i fail to understand how hard it could be to grab a phone and have a lovely tete e tete than to type niceties which truly lack credibility. All those niceties at best appearing like i scratch your back will you please scratch mine.
Why can't we feel good about how or what we are and why don the false pretense?
It seems to me the more we apparently engage the further are we being driven apart. And all the social medial platforms are actually destroying the social ness of it all. And we definitely are not having conversations between friends or anyone there what to talk of having conversations that can usher forth a change.
Conversations are starters, binding us and eventually making us feel good about the time spent.
When i was younger i remember conversations adding more zest to what i already knew. Someone mentioning about a piece of music composition i had not heard or interesting facts about which place i should be visiting, an introduction to customs/rituals the how's and why's, easy DIY's including handy kitchen/household tips and a whole lot of other things apart from comparing notes on family, gardening, pets and recipes. Not to miss it we also had conversations on books to read, movies to watch so on and so forth.
i also remember those conversations as being refreshing and exciting. Igniting not only a passion for more but also keeping us looking forward to sharing details about our own lack of understanding without any false pretense.
Today i am at a loss. Sometimes i am banging my own drum and other times i am listening to other drums. Of late there has been a constant bombardment of sorts and i want to run away to a land of peace and quiet if it exits anywhere. Where my inward talking should provide me with solace if not all the answers as to why it is so. It troubles me to realize that we are slowly but steadily drifting apart.
Often a conversation meets a sudden death and what ensues is the emergence of an argument where no one is really listening to anyone. Or else as it happened in this case the conversation left in it's wake so many unanswered questions, doubts and an overriding sense of guilt.
Maybe through this as i blog i am mulling over the aftermath. The fact of the matter being if the art of listening to some who love to only hear themselves speak can be mastered. Should i really work towards building a huge stockpile of patience and learn to be a passive listener or should i be working towards more effective communication skills through which i can convey what i have to say without being offensive.
Uff ...
It beats me to talk softly or slowly about something i feel strongly about. Even though i am not a certified bipolar i must be sounding like Carrie Mathison (Homeland) when she was having one of her episodes. Talking fast and talking loud and thinking even louder.
The last show on Netflix i binged on was Ozark. As i soaked in the all kinds of conversations between warring factions the one sentence that has stuck is this- " People aren't afraid of autocrats. People are afraid of being different from their neighbors.'' Jacob Snell.i think conversation is also quite a cultural thing and it definitely has something to do with our genetic make up. When i ponder over the harmless allegations desiring change i do realize that i have my roots somewhere and i carry all the telltale signs of it.
Can i improve or will i ever be able to change that which dilutes the essence only time can tell.
i don't know if what i have just said is consistent or not. But blogging it definitely has brought me to what i should start with for the time being. For the moment with this pleasing thought, "Conversation isn't about proving a point, true conversation is about going on a journey with the people you are speaking with.''
